I have often read that parents of children with autism or aspergers become outraged when people stare at their child having an episode in public. They feel judged and angry. As the parent of obese children, I have had many similar, painful experiences.
When my son was three, we were vacationing at the beach. While waiting in line at a carry- out seafood restaurant, a stranger handed me a menu and pointed out "the only three things, I should let my fat child order." When one of my boys was four, the host mother at a classmate's birthday party refused my son a piece of birthday cake telling him "she would feel too guilty about giving a fat child sweets." When one was in kindergarten, he was suffering merciless teasing for his size. When I met with the teacher she said, "What do you want me to do? He is fat--you do something about it." When my boys were 6 and 5, we made our first trip to New York City. We were visiting Central Park Zoo on a hot August afternoon. We sat down on a shaded bench for rest and a water break. A father and son were nearby, and we heard the little boy ask for ice cream. His father walked him directly over to our bench, pointed at my children and said, "if I let you get ice cream, you'll end up like them." On another family beach trip, I was enjoying a beautiful late afternoon on the beach watching my boys, full of joy, playing in the late day waves. A family was walking towards me who also had two boys. As they approached my lounge chair, I heard the father say, "hey boys, throw rocks at those two fat kids--that's a target you can't miss." As I confronted the father, he apologized, but the wife stepped in and said that my children were disgusting and so was I for letting them get that way. Most recently we received a frightening anonymous letter where the writer discussed in great detail and length what my boys must look like naked and what kind of person would be "turned on" their appearance. These are only some of the highlights of my fifteen-year journey. There have been countless times that I have watched strangers point, gawk, and laugh at my children. I have repeatedly overheard teachers, coaches, friends and even family ridicule the size of my boys when they thought I was out of earshot. Imagine if the world thought there was something less than perfect about the people you love more than life itself, and they felt comfortable telling you about it. How would you feel? How would it affect your parenting? How would it affect your children?
The combination of reality television and media obsession with weight has inspired shows about obesity and weight loss. While these shows likely hope to be informative and inspirational, they also have the affect of treating overweight people like freaks at the circus. Like people with hoarding disorders, drug addictions, 20 children or pageant moms, the nation watches mesmerized by these strange creatures and their habitats.
But perhaps there is no other family challenge that comes with judgement not only of the "patient," but also the "care provider." When people judge my children, they are blaming me. Two states now have pending legislation that would allow the state to remove overweight children from their homes. Family services of Ohio, has just taken such action regarding an obese eight year old. The state of Georgia is running controversial commercials where overweight children look into the camera and ask their parents why they let them get fat. The burden of obesity is shared by the entire family and everyone is suffering.
Please come back for future posts when I will discuss where we are now, what we are doing in 2012 and why we are doing it. Make this journey with us and understand Living Large.
It has become almost accepted by society to ridicule obese children and adults, alike. Sadly, nobody stops for a moment to consider that there may be medical reasons behind a child's obesity, or it may be that until that particular child hits puberty, he/she is just carrying "extra weight". Regardless of WHY a person is obese, they do not deserve to be made fun of or teased. While it bothers me to hear other children making nasty comments, it absolutely sickens me to hear adults, especially PARENTS, saying hateful things about these children. Behavior like that can be overlooked by strangers on the street, but, when it comes from friends and family members, it is intolerable! How can we possibly teach our children to value a person's inner beauty when there is so much emphasis placed on appearance? There is enough pressure on kids these days!! How dare these people judge these children OR their parents when they are completely unaware of what measures they may already be taking or what reasons may be behind a child's obesity!
ReplyDeleteI have a 14 year old daughter who is, not only obese, but suffers from Asperger's Syndrome. Just like many of the other kids I have met with Asperger's, she has a tendency to eat too much, too fast, sometimes even hoarding food in her bedroom. Despite efforts to curb this behavior, she finds ways to continue overeating. This has become a 24 hour a day task, with only small successes. She can not necessarily help her compulsion to eat, nor can there be an adult beside her every minute of every day. We have put locks on the cabinets and refrigerator, hidden groceries in other rooms, and tried every suggestion we have been given to help control her eating. The problem is, she often does not sleep through the night (despite taking medications prescribed by her Dr.), so she is able to sneak into the kitchen and break locks or cabinet doors or find and hoard food while the rest of the house sleeps. We have found jars of peanut butter in her closet, ice cream under her bed, and various wrappers, cans, and containers hidden in drawers, jewelry boxes, even inside shoes!
Some kids have more problems with their weight than others, just as some adults have more trouble with their weight. I was overweight from the time I was about 13 until just recently. As a teen, I played sports, took dance and baton twirling, coached cheerleading, and was in general a VERY active person. I did not like sweets or soda much, and preferred healthy foods. I never ate large portions or in excess, and I even had a regular aerobic workout I stuck to at least 2, if not 3 times a week. Nothing I did changed my size, despite the diets, workouts, and many efforts to lose weight. Even after a several month period with anorexia, I never dropped below the high range of what a "normal weight" for my height and age would have been. The problem is NOT that there are obese children, the problem is that, apparently, people no longer have any manners and are raising THEIR children not to have any either. I know that I, personally, was raised to know that teasing was rude and unacceptable behavior, I didn't get the memo that it had become OK to be rude and hurtful toward others.